That “tear your apart” feeling means it’s not ready for whatever’s been put inside of it hon. If fingers feel good then we know your ass likes penetration. I’ve had times where I have had a twinge of discomfort and I make him stop whatever forward movement he’s doing and just breath through it. It always passes quickly and is replaced by that luscious pressure that drives my clit crazy. Until your ass is use to taking things regularly here are some general warm up tips:
1. Never attempt anal when you are not feeling perfect relaxed and ready to go down there. If you are stressed or not feeling clean you will likely tense up as he penetrates you.
2. At least 5 minutes of finger play and in your case perhaps a small dildo in between the size of his fingers and cock. Think of it as a gradual stretching and warm up of the muscle. If you don’t stretch it out first it’s not going to work out well for you. Perhaps he can work in a nice glass plug and then proceed to massage you until you are squirming and ready to go.
3. LUBE…and not pussy lube it’s too thin. Anal lube is your best friend. For me…my ass doesn’t like a lot of them…I feel burning as soon as it enters my ass. So try out some water based and silicone anal lube and see what you like. If all else fails use Vaseline. Spit doesn’t count as lube and neither does pre-cum.
4. Try different positions…for the longest time I wanted to be on top and in control of the initial penetration before we’d switch where he was more in control. Above all have him take his time. If you experience pain…have him stop and wait a minute before resuming movement. If you don’t feel the discomfort dissipate quickly you need more prep or lube. Never let a man fuck you if it hurts. Your ass is made up of delicate tissues that can tear easily…and never use desensitizing lubes! You can always try playing on your own with a dildo…my ass prefers glass ones…and see if you can get yourself to a point where penetration is comfortable so you know what your body needs to get there. Bath time is always a good time to relax and experiment :)