Hey, I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now and everything’s great sex wise but when he’s horny he gets really filthy and hates himself for it afterwards, mostly because of ass play on him, he says he feels sick and weird after because he thinks it’s wrong for him to like it but it turns him on so much, and me too. How do I convince him he’s perfectly normal?:( could you maybe answer privately please?

That’s unfortunate hon.  The reason he feels dirty and sick afterwards is perhaps because he has been taught that certain sexual acts are just that, dirty and sick.  It could be because he associates assplay with being gay and has negative feelings about that.  A lot can happen when we are younger to shape our sexuality and not all of it is healthy.  We can be taught by the ones we love to be ashamed of our bodies and exploring them…even masturbation.   Particularly asses are taught to be dirty.  I would try and talked to him about why something that is natural and pleasurable causes him to feel this way.  What goes through his head?  If he tells you it’s because he is worried enjoying his ass means he is gay then you can reassure him that many straight men enjoy their asses all around the world each and every day.  If he can’t or won’t share with you why he has these feelings it might be a good idea to have him talk to someone about it.  Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger who is there to help us as opposed to someone close to us.  I only suggest this because you want to make sure there is nothing deeper behind his reactions. Not sure this helps but I’d love to hear from anyone who has experience with this personally or from someone who has had to deal with this same thing with a loved one. xoxoxo