My partner seems to vaguely enjoy sex but never intensely. She can't have penetrative sex because it hurts her. She doesn't think she's ever had an orgasm. I can't enjoy sex if she's only half-interested but voicing my dissatisfaction would only exacerbate the problem. I love her but I can't help but fantasize about being with someone more interested. Any advice?
That can be frustrating hon…a position a lot of men find themselves in. Whether it’s the elusive orgasm or discomfort during sex or lack of sex drive it seems that woman have the deck stacked against them sexually. While orgasms have always been easy for me I can relate to discomfort and lack of sex drive. Prior to having my daughter in my 20’s I experienced both. The drive issue is frustrating for both partners and the discomfort sucked because when you were finally in the mood it was there to rain on your parade. I couldn’t imagine not cumming on top of all of that. I wouldn’t call what I experienced pain…it was more feeling raw afterwards. Pain during sex can be the result of serious health issues so first and foremost I would encourage her to visit a gynecologist to rule anything major out. Minor things like yeast infections, bladder infections and constipation can also make sex uncomfortable and I have several friends who suffer from them regularly. Dryness can also be an issue so lube can be a lifesaver there. I think I would have a frank discussion with her hon. The intention not to make her feel bad but just ignoring this problem is no good for either of you. As far as the orgasm…has she ever had one period?? If she can’t even experience pleasure on her own then that is a whole other issue that perhaps a sex therapist can help her with. If she can cum than she needs to communicate with you better on how she achieves it. Without pleasure I can understand why her interest in sex is so minimal. Hopefully that gives you a place to start. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help. If any followers have some helpful advice please let us know. xoxoxo
I am a sex addict and submissive, my happiness depends on my sex life. I had gone to the therapist already and managed to not destroy my life because of it, but I still need the sex, masturbation is not enough, I need the person there, enjoing it. My girlfriend knows it and I love her, we've been together for 3 years, but she rarely wanting sex. I don't know what to do, every time I bring it up with her it only make worse, depressing both of us and making she fell as "not enough".
Tricky…addictions are rough…I’m glad you sought out a therapist. When you say she rarely wants sex…how often is that? What may not seem like a lot to you may be a lot to her. What about couples therapy? If she is committed to you and making the relationship work it may be you will need to approach working through it as a couple. Remember this is your issue and not hers. It’s unrealistic to except she will ever fill 100% of your needs as they exceed even the norm for a guy. As I said in my last post girls can have a litany of sexual issues working against them that will never bring their need for sex on par with a guys. It really comes down to how committed you both are to making your relationship work. Ignoring the issue because it makes her feel bad is not a good idea. If you feel angry or frustrated about your needs not being met that will not have a good impact in the long run. It’s not fair to her to continue on in a relationship where you will never be satisfied with what she can bring to the relationship. No easy answer I’m afraid darling. Best to deal with it now and either work together to make it better or move on. xoxoxo
(the sex adict) two times in a month, sometimes less than that. She has her litanny of health problems, a mioma in her uterus, infections frequently. Often when I search her for sex she say to me - We will have later today - I know that she won't do it, but I still craving for it, believing that today she won't be deceiving me. Sometimes even when we are about to have it, her mioma makes her sick. nausea and pain... I know it is not her fault, but it makes me so frustrated and sad.
Bummer darling. Not an easy fix when someone has actual health issues that interfere and of course you have no way of knowing if they are real issues in the moment or she is using it as an excuse because she is not in the mood. Knowing you have a sex addiction maybe take some time to seriously consider what the next 20 years of your life could look like in that relationship. Think about both your needs and do some soul searching about what you can live with and what you can’t live without. Good luck hon :) xoxoxo